Hi Stephane,
Something I was faced with while working at the hospital
this week:
I had my first clinical experience in the Mental Health Unit
in my 3rd year of Nursing. It was different, the roles we
take, different. Instead of helping patients with breakfast,
blood pressure, hygiene, giving medications, etc. The
experience was simply to “talk” to the patients. I
observed, depression, anger, rage, alcoholism, stress,
loneliness, etc. pretty much everything non-integrous. It
was rather intense to witness everything this day. And by
the end of the day, even though there was no usual strenuous
work, I was tired, drained, fatigued. My energy had been
drained emotionally as I tried to digest everything I
empathized throughout my day of talking and discovering the
patients I worked with.
Later on, as I went to check for my classmate to go for our
break, I needed to cross the Children’s Mental Health
Unit… 12 children on this unit, complete silence. As I
walked through, a child approached me. I said, “What’s
up?” No smile, leaning against the wall by the doorway of
his room. Small glances up, but looking down. “Hi, how are
you today? How’s your morning been? How long have you been
here?” I asked him. My professional role and duty, for
legal reasons, is to not get too personal with the patients,
on the basis of patient confidentiality, my conversations
should be ‘Objective’.
I had so much love to give.
To these children in the hospital in particular. Only a few
short years ago, I was the same age as them, in their
emotionalized, dramatized, depressed, suicidal, mental
states. I wanted to talk to them, not as a nurse, but as
myself. I would love to be able to express true spiritual
Love, as opposed to the dutiful, ‘robot-like’ nurses could
not express.
I feel constrained. This is the difficulty I had with Love
vs. Duty this week. Any suggestions?
>>>COMMENTS:
Love need not be emotionalized or expressive… Love and
Silence are one and the same thing. The state of Silent
Witnessingness is the state of absolute compassion, and
actually quite easy to develop with only a little practice:
http://www.ideagasms.net/into-the-field-of-consciousness/
These nurses may seem cold, but often they are experienced
professionals who had to work very hard on developing the
sense of clinical-detachment (otherwise you end up getting
sick along with your patients).
They may not seem “spiritual” yet their job is quite
selfless. Part of being a pro is not getting involved with
people on too much of a personal level.
One reason for this, like you said, you mentioned how you
felt “drained” from these unhealthy people. This suggests
sympathy, not empathy. Another reason for clinical
detachedness is many of these people are non-integrous and
their reactions could be very negative, ranging from
“falling in love” with you (and feeling hurt once you
have to leave) to envying, hating and despising you for a
variety of strange reasons.
Perhaps it is best to develop a strong, unwavering state of
pure Witness-Bliss and let people bathe in it, silently,
imperceptibly, and without getting any “credit” for
loving them. In this way, your very Presence, heals.
Both Hawkins and Mother Teresa developed such a high state
within themselves that they could just look at someone and
the miraculous would take place.
They can shine forth an awareness of such intensity that the
sick and dying person can suddenly “remember” the
Presence of God is within them at all times. Saints such as
these often don’t even utter a single word, and yet they
have helped thousands of souls lift themselves out of their
subjective hells.
When dealing with the mentally ill and other unfortunates,
it is important to avoid emotion and especially sympathy.
Empathy/Compassion is best.
Zig Ziglar shares a great analogy for this. Paraphrased,
he says that with empathy you see that your friend is
sea-sick and so you get him a towel, some water, maybe a
tylenol or aspirin, and help nurse him back to health as
best you can.
With sympathy, however, you join your friend at the rail and
become sea-sick along side him. You then cannot help him
anymore, and perhaps even made your friend sicker than he
was before you decided to join him.
Emotionalized “personal” love is childish. It involves display,
posturing, sympathy, and especially sentimentality.
It helps nobody and actually, it contributes to people’s
‘victimhood’ in subtle ways. Although sympathy and
sentimentality are popular in society, when seen for what
they are, in essence they’re inherently childish and highly
emotional energies, complete with tears, self-pity, and a
whole box of wasted Kleenex.
Love doesn’t require you to blow your nose. If you do cry,
it isn’t the childish “poor me” or “poor you” kind of
tears, but the tears which come from healing and inner Joy.
Love is not an emotion, but is actually just a way of being
with one’s self and others.
It radiates out automatically and in Silence. It is intensely
rock-like, and yet gentle, warm, and very compassionate.
Unconditional Love is a simply way of Being with people, in
which you acknowledge to them (in silence) that the Source
of their Existence comes from Divinity and nothing else.
There is a term, “Namaste”, which loosely means, “I honor
the Divinity in you.” Perhaps a silent Namaste does more
good for people than a thousand words or emotional hugs and
kisses.
It is one thing to openly acknowledge and validate people’s
ego personalities, but it is quite another to acknowledge their
Spirit from a state of absolute silence.
Thanks for your question.
Many Blessings,
Stephane Hemon
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